Bittersweet, er, not quite
by Tricia-chan
Summary: LONG ANTICIPATED SEQUAL TO YULETIDE CHAOS. After a particularly unsettling mission, Hisoka is hoping for a very peaceful Valentine's Day. Of course, that's not going to happen. -errors fixed-


Well. How can I possibly explain my hiatus? I really have no excuse other than college, getting a new job, and having writer's block that _never _goes away. One minute it's gone and the next it's back!!!

But I digress.

As you might guess this is my sixth Yami no Matsuei fanfic. It's about five years late for a sequel to Yuletide Chaos, but I hope none of you are too pissed off at me. Hopefully I can hammer out the White Day 'fic before my writer's block returns. As usual, I do not own the awesomely hot guys and various other characters. Hmm, the warnings are still the same; OOC-ness, stupidity, swearing, and spoilers. Can I have some _lemon_ with my tea? Anyways, go on ahead and read and once again I'm so sorry for keeping you all waiting for this long.

Bittersweet...er, not quite

_February 12__th__, 9:54 p.m._

"'Soka-chaaaaaaaaaaan—"

Hisoka threw down his pen. "Dammit, Tsuzuki!! You've been nagging me for the past four hours!! What do you want?!"

Tsuzuki sniffled. "I was wondering if we could pick up the pace for this case. I mean, Valentine's Day is in two days—"

"Look, this isn't exactly a walk through the park. Thirteen people are missing on the Kiseki and we aren't anywhere close to finding them!! It would be good if we could find the guy who's doing this, but we haven't developed any good leads!! We can't just skip out on this just because of another fucking holiday!!!"

"We got done in time for Christmas—"

"The last case we had before Christmas was twenty days before the holiday."

Tsuzuki started to cry. "You're so mean, Hisoka!! Is it wrong for me to want to have fun?! Holidays don't come very often!! The last one was New Years!!"

Hisoka stiffened. He remembered nothing of the New Years party that took place at the office. All he remembered was arriving at the office and the next thing he knew he woke up in bed.

Tsuzuki's bed.

Clothed, thankfully. But that didn't mean a damn thing. Hisoka blamed it on possible alcohol consumption, but he didn't know why he was drinking alcohol. He vaguely remembered promising himself that he wouldn't drink any alcohol.

Oh, what wonders _that_ did.

Considering the funny looks he got from everyone at the office the next morning, Hisoka had a suspicion of how much of an ass he made of himself. But it was good he couldn't remember a thing; unlike the Halloween fiasco that continually came back to haunt him at inappropriate times.

"That was a little over a month ago," snarled Hisoka, trying to read the case file. "Can't you go one fucking holiday?!?!"

Tsuzuki whimpered. "Can't we just leave the case and go back on the fourteenth?!?!"

"No!! We're going back when we solve this case!! So shut the fuck up and help me out with this!!!"

Tsuzuki sniffled, but said nothing more about the subject. He'd been quite affectionate with him in the past few weeks, causing Hisoka's fear to grow about New Years. What if they...?

_What a stupid idea. Tsuzuki isn't the type to seduce someone boldly. And besides; I was drunk. He certainly wouldn't take advantage of me when I'm so vulnerable, no matter what my attitude is._

_But considering how drunk you were that time, it can be safely said that Tsuzuki was drunk too. If he did seduce you, then he was pretty vulnerable as well. And who's to say it was _him_ doing all the seducing? You could've—_

Hisoka quickly blocked that thought and focused on his work. If anything _did_ happen, he didn't want to think of the possibility that he started it. He was more comfortable with believing that they simply passed out in Tsuzuki's bed.

"Look at this," said Tsuzuki. "I think we've got an M.O. All thirteen women had made purchases at various candy shops in the Toyama area before they disappeared."

"So whoever took them took them on the basis of the candy they bought?" said Hisoka, rubbing his forehead. "What type of candy did they buy? Was it the same brand?"

"No, they were all of different brands and different prices. But they were last seen leaving the candy shops and weren't ever seen again afterwards."

"Great. Not only does our suspect behave like a serial killer, but he's somehow preventing the souls of the women to show up in Meifu."

"Maybe they're not dead yet," suggested Tsuzuki, flipping through the file. "And that's why their souls can't be found."

"What about our suspects?" asked Hisoka, looking at various pictures.

"They all spoke to the women that day. But none of them know any of the victims other than the ones they talked to."

Hisoka sighed heavily, standing up. "I'm going to sleep on this. We'll pick this up again tomorrow."

"I'll go to sleep soon too," said Tsuzuki. "I've just gotta...check something."

Hisoka waved a hand. "Fine. 'Night."

"'Night."

---

Tsuzuki watched Hisoka climb into one of the beds. He waited until he was absolutely sure Hisoka was asleep and then went to grab his cell phone. He dialed quickly, praying that the person he was calling was awake.

"Moshi moshi?" said a voice on the other line.

"Wakaba-chan?" asked Tsuzuki.

"Oh hi, Tsuzuki-san!! You and Hisoka have been gone for over a week!! How's your case?"

"About that, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, anything."

"I want you to check something. And please do it quickly; I want this case to be done with by Valentine's."

_February 13__th__, 5:19 a.m._

"Hisoka, wake up!!!"

Hisoka grumbled as he was shaken out of his sleep. Tsuzuki was leaning over him looking very excited.

"What the hell is it?" he grumbled, sitting up.

"I've figured something out!!" cried Tsuzuki, holding up the photo of a building. "One of our suspects was seen bringing one of the victims here!! And it's not just one of the victims he knew!!!"

Hisoka became alert at that. "Do you think that he might be keeping the women there?!"

"It's worth a check!! Let's go now!!"

Hisoka eyed Tsuzuki suspiciously as he threw on his jacket. "You managed to find all this out in eight hours when we've been working on this for nearly two weeks?"

Tsuzuki stiffened, but quickly recovered himself. "Oh, um, it's something I've been thinking about. And this particular suspect looked the most suspicious out of all of them."

Hisoka knew he was hiding something, but didn't pursue the subject. This was their first break in the case and it was a welcoming lead. "Well, let's go."

_February 13__th__, 9:47 a.m._

"So pretty much our suspect was kidnapping people, draining their bodies of blood, and injecting their blood into this specific brand of chocolates," summed up Hisoka, holding up a box of the chocolates in question. "However he was sucking the blood out of them little at a time so he wouldn't drain them completely. Several of these blood chocolates are already out on the market, but there's no telling how many there are."

Tatsumi shuddered as he closed the file. "So their souls were missing because they were being forcibly kept alive in those conditions?"

"That's right," said Hisoka.

Tsuzuki fidgeted. "What about the killer?"

"We're suspecting that he might be a disgruntled ex-employee," said Tatsumi. "There's no telling how many of those chocolates got out on the market. I'll give everyone a heads up not to buy them for tomorrow."

"...Why would he do that?" whimpered Tsuzuki, tears filling his eyes. "Kill so many innocent people just for payback...it doesn't make sense..."

"Don't think too much about it," said Tatsumi, being super-sensitive to Tsuzuki's tears as usual. "Since you both worked diligently on this case, I'm going to recommend to Kachou to give you each the week off. That way you'll be able to relax and attend the Valentine's Day party here tomorrow."

Hisoka's heart sank. "_Another_ one, Tatsumi-san?"

"Since it's simply passing out candy, I gave the okay to everyone. I think you guys should relax and attend it."

Tsuzuki nodded, smiling again. "Arigato, Tatsumi. I'm looking forward to the chocolate I get!!!"

Hisoka cringed, now fearful of chocolate. "You can have whatever I get, Tsuzuki."

Sparkles filled Tsuzuki's eyes. "Reeeaally?! Aw, I knew you loved me 'Soka-chan!!!"

"Don't make stuff up!!!!"

A/N: Now that I've succeeded in grossing everyone out, let's get on to the humor shall we?

_February 13__th__, 3:49 p.m._

"I'm sorry about you case," said Wakaba, smiling apologetically as she hung up a pink heart. "But at least you got it done by Valentine's."

"That's right!!" said Tsuzuki, smiling. Then he whispered, "Thank you for your help, Wakaba-chan."

"Don't worry about a quick search on the internet won't do."

Hisoka looked around the office with strong distaste. "I thought this coming Valentine's Day was going to a small thing of handing out candy."

"A small party won't kill us," said Wakaba, hanging up another heart.

"We've had "small parties" for every holiday for the past five months. Need I remind you of the chaos at Halloween and Christmas and the nightmare that was New Years?"

"I don't remember too much of New Years. We couldn't have done much."

Terazuma scoffed. "We all had a 25% pay decrease for that week; the same number we had after Christmas. I'm fairly certain that our antics were as bad as at Midnight Mass."

Hisoka shuddered at that. Being stone sober that night he had a clear memory of how they acted. From all the chaos the drunken Shinigami caused he thought they fully deserved the decrease in pay. He got the same pay decrease though, even though he didn't do anything wrong.

Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He didn't need to turn around to see who it was; he was fully aware and frightened.

"Hisoka-chan, we purchased the Valentine's day Pink House dress!!" squealed Yuma, throwing confetti in the shape of tiny hearts.

"Please please please do us this favor and wear it tomorrow!!" squealed Saya, jumping up and down. "We even bought expensive chocolate for you!!!"

Hisoka blanched at the memory of the chocolates Tsuzuki and him had found earlier that day. "No thanks. I'll never be able to eat chocolates again."

"Don't worry!! We bought them from a different company!!! They're blood free!!!"

Hisoka jumped to his feet. "That's it; I'm going home and barricading myself in my apartment. And if anyone tries to bother me I'm killing myself!!!!"

He stormed to the door, ignoring the annoying cries behind him. As he left the office a hand reached out and grabbed his arm. He was about to turn around and yell at the person until he saw who it was.

"Hold on a second, Bon," said Watari, smiling sincerely. "I just happened to hear about the case Tsuzuki and you completed. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It's not any worse than what we normally have to deal with," said Hisoka, trying to be polite. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going home."

Watari held up a tea cylinder. "Here, take this home with you and drink it before you go to bed. It'll help relax you and make sure you have a dreamless sleep."

Hisoka was suspicious, considering how Watari used dire situations in order to progress his experiments. But he had a feeling that he wasn't testing a potion on him.

He took the cylinder. "Thank you, Watari-san. I'll be going now."

---

Watari giggled maniacally as Hisoka walked off.

"Looks like 'Operation Seduction' is finally going to commence!!" he laughed. "Now we can count down to see how long it will take for Tsuzuki and Bon to be in bed together!!"

He wasn't quite aware of the events of New Years that landed Tsuzuki and Hisoka in the same bed. But that technically didn't count in his book as Hisoka had been piss drunk. But tomorrow he wouldn't be. And oh the magic that could happen!!

_February 13__th__, 10:43 p.m._

Hisoka finished off his cup of tea, being careful to set down his cup. His limbs felt like dead weights and his eyelids were ready to close. But he had to stay awake a little while longer so he could make it to bed.

_With any luck I'll be able to sleep tomorrow away, _he thought gloomily. _They'll be crazy if they think I'm dragging myself out of bed to eat chocolates..._

Hisoka made it to the bed, but he couldn't help but look in the direction of his kitchen. There was a certain something sitting in his fridge; something that made him feel very embarrassed.

_It doesn't matter. He'll be getting a shitload of chocolate tomorrow. He doesn't need any from me._

He needed distraction, or he might be tempted to actually go to work tomorrow.

Hisoka slid a hand under his pillow and found his walkman. Smiling a very tired smile he slid on the headphones and pressed play. Sleep consumed him just as the tape started playing.

"_Hello avid listeners,"_ came a woman's familiar voice. But Hisoka was far too drowsy to pick up on it. _"Welcome to 'Tasting your Fantasies'. The purpose of this tape is to allow for even the most introverted person to become lively in any sexual environment. One's own feelings and wants are key to getting the sexual satisfaction they deserve."_

"Sexual satisfaction," Hisoka muttered.

"_The first thing to identify your basic wants in your sexual experience. Do you solely want vaginal sex? Well, the main requirement for this is a man and woman, or two women. Maybe you like oral sex? Both can be performed on both men and woman but it takes some skills to attain orgasm. Or maybe you walk on the wild side and desire anal sex?"_

"Anal sex."

"_Most commonly done between two men, it is possible also between a man and women and two women. Each sound exceptionally frightening to virgin ears, especially anal sex. But being able to tear down your usual standards and unleash yourself will not only increase pleasure for your partner, but also increase pleasure for yourself."_

"Increase pleasure."

"_And there is more to sex outside of the basic wants; they are tiny wants we want and sometimes absolutely need in order to obtain absolute pleasure. They are commonly called sexual fetishes. These fetishes turn even the most basic thing into the focus in sexual intercourse. Sometimes, fetishes can be as basic as a bottle of chocolate syrup."_

"Chocolate syrup."

"_Or they can be as complicated as things we might deem unacceptable. Some people like being choked and need that sensation in order to achieve orgasm. Some like being spanked; the harder the more pleasurable. Others preferred to be dominated and mistreated in every way as demonstrated in the art of sadomasochism, or S&M."_

"S&M. Spanking."

"_Of course, we're not here to explore the fantasies of others but your own fantasies. Fantasies that you yourself might not be aware of. But unless you can admit to yourself and be able to embrace even the strangest of fetishes, than you yourself will never become sexually satisfied."_

"Fetishes. Fantasies."

"_Now then, it's time to explore your hobbies and your interests. Perhaps amongst your favorite activities will we be able to determine what your true sexual fantasy is…"__th__, 6:30 a.m._

February 14

That had to be by far the weirdest night of Hisoka's life…or, afterlife.

Not that he had been plagued by nightmares of Muraki or the victims they had found just the day before. But it was just so _eerie _how naturally he woke up. There was definitely something going on, because something had prevented him from dreaming at all.

_Maybe this easy listening tape works,_ he thought to himself, picking up his walkman and opening it. _I certainly like dreamless—WHAT THE HELL?!?!_

It wasn't his easy listening tape sitting in his walkman. It was a tape simply titled 'Tasting your Fantasies'.

"Shit shit SHIT!!!!" growled Hisoka, ripping the tape out his walkman and throwing it across the room. "I listened to that all night!!!!"

Then he paused. Wait, he wasn't a changed person. He wasn't acting like some crazed nymphomaniac or girly. He was still the same guy he was when he went to bed.

_The tape didn't work. It just went in one ear and out the other. Nothing's changed._

His shoulders sagged with relief. The last thing he needed was to be stuck in a personality addicted to bondage, or something.

_Whoever planted this obviously intended for me to go to the Valentine's party acting all horny and shit. Looks like they'll be disappointed when I don't show up!!_

A thought came to him. _Hold on. If I don't appear at all then whoever gave me this might spread some sort of nasty rumor that I have a disgusting fetish and am too afraid to come in!!_

Hisoka stood up. "Right, I'll go in. I'll show the bastard just how much the same I really am!!!"

He grabbed his coat and headed for the door when he remembered the box of chocolates sitting in his fridge. If he went on empty-handed then Tsuzuki would never let him hear the end of it.

"Damn Tsuzuki," he grumbled, going back to get the chocolates out of the fridge before heading to work.

_February 14__th__, 9:32 a.m._

"Good morning, Hisoka!!" called Wakaba as he entered the office.

Hisoka's response was a stony expression. He was _very _suspicious of everyone in the office. "I woke up fine and peaches. Never felt better or _normal_."

Terazuma rubbed a hand over his face. "Lucky you. I was having nightmares all night…Kannuki, how the hell am I suppose to eat all of this?!"

There was literally a mountain of chocolate boxes in front of him. Hisoka was grateful when he didn't recognize any of the brands.

"I went through a lot of trouble re-buying chocolate!!" Wakaba called over to him. "So please do me the favor of eating all of them?"

"You just want an expensive gift for White Day," grumbled Terazuma, grudgingly digging into the chocolate.

Meanwhile, Tsuzuki was whimpering at his desk. Both Yuma and Saya were comforting him.

This looked quite suspicious to Hisoka. He stalked over to him. "Why are you crying, Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki whimpered again, pointing with a shaking finger at the most expensive looking chocolate amongst the large pile on the desk. Hisoka snatched up the delicate looking note attached to the box and read it.

"'To my darling Tsuzuki-san; may you taste a wonderful day along with these chocolates. Muraki Kazutaka.'" Hisoka crumbled up the note. "And he even bought blood-filled chocolates!!"

"Ah, don't let him get to you, Tsuzuki!!" said Saya comfortingly.

"That's right!! We won't let the dirty old man do anything bad to you!!" said Yuma, rubbing his back. This only earned a choked sob from Tsuzuki.

Hisoka growled to himself and fished into his pocket. He pulled out a wrinkled ofunda and promptly attached it to the box of chocolates. Within seconds it disintegrated into literally nothingness. "There. The menace is gone completely."

Tsuzuki wiped away his tears. "Thanks, Hisoka."

"You don't need to bother yourself with something so minuscule," added Hisoka, casually tossing Tsuzuki the box of chocolates he had brought with him. "Happy Valentines Day, Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki caught the box, looking a little stunned for a moment. Then a smile spread over his face and he glomped Hisoka. "THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH, HISOKA!!!! I SWEAR I'LL TREASURE EACH AND EVERY BITE!!!!!!!"

"BAKA!!! Let me go!!!"

"You're so sweet, Hisoka-chan!!" squealed Yuma, jumping up and down.

"Way to go cheering him up!!" squealed Saya. "The next time you see Muraki you should give him a big spanking!!!!"

The word 'spanking' echoed inside Hisoka's head. Before he realized what he was doing he clutched Tsuzuki and his mouth was forming words he didn't want to form.

"Spanking? Who wants a spanking? Spankings help build character!!! Tsuzuki, can you give me a hard one later? Do it with your bare hands and maybe a whip!!!"

The office was overcome with the most uncomfortable silence in existence. Everyone, even Yuma and Saya, were staring at Hisoka with shocked expressions and gaping mouths.

Hisoka clamped a hand over his mouth. "I didn't say that!!!"

Tsuzuki let Hisoka go hesitantly.

"Ooh, who knew Hisoka liked those sorts of things?" said Wakaba thoughtfully.

"I didn't say that!!!" Hisoka practically shrieked.

"Um, I heard you say it," said Terazuma, pushing away his chocolates having lost his appetite.

"Good morning!!!" cried Watari as he bounced into the room clutching chocolates. He noticed the gaping faces with mild interest. "Ooh, did something happen?"

"Well, Hisoka-chan seems to partake in physical pain for pleasure," said Yuma slowly.

"No I fucking don't!!!" yelled Hisoka, wanting to crawl into a hole.

"Ah, so you have an inner masochist?" asked Watari causally.

As with the word spanking 'masochist' echoed inside his head. And once again his body acted beyond his control.

"I don't mind abuse as long as you don't tie me down. But you can gag me. Try not to bruise my skin too much!!!!"

"It seems I was right!!!" laughed Watari. The initial shock seemed to have abated and now everyone was breaking out into laughter.

"Shut up!! I'm not into that!!!" wailed Hisoka, covering his dark red face.

Tsuzuki slowly sat back down. He was trying to think of something to change the subject to save Hisoka any more embarrassment. "Oh, uh, Hisoka!! I'm glad you bought me chocolates because I brought you some too!!!" He fished into his desk and pulled out a red box in the shape of a heart. "I know you don't like sweets, and this one isn't too sweet." he held it out to Hisoka. "Happy Valentine's Day."

Hisoka's hand left his face to take the chocolate. His insides churned as he remembered what he had witnessed yesterday. Even if there was no label on the box, the thought of eating chocolate...

A thought came to him. Great, now he had to get Tsuzuki a present for White Day...

"Here's my chocolates to everyone!!" said Watari, handing them out. Everyone was keeping in mind what had happened the last Valentine's Day and were hesitant to eat them. "Don't worry; they don't have any potions in them. But I can assure you that you will feel quite _pleasurable _when you eat them."

_Was that deliberate? _thought Hisoka as his body acted on its own again.

_February 14__th__, 12:18 p.m._

Hisoka was sure he was in hell.

It was turning into the worst day of his afterlife. Whatever the hell was wrong with him was being triggered by words relating to sexual or abusive acts. Why the fuck would he want to be spanked?!?!

_Shit, does this have to do with that tape I listened to all night? It didn't affect me psychologically like the self-esteem one but it's subconsciously altering my personality. Whatever was on that tape is somehow engraved in my subconscious and any words relating to it make me react. Shit, why is this always happening to me?!_

"Hisoka-chan, try on this dress!!!" cried Yuma and Saya, waving the Valentine Pink House Special dress. It was a horribly cheerful shade of red with short sleeves and an even shorter skirt, covered in white and pale pink hearts, and lined with white lace frills and an ugly-ass pink bow on the back.

Hisoka felt even more ill. "Go to hell."

"That's a terrible thing to say!!!"

"Fine. Go to hell, _please_."

An evil twinkle came into Yuma's eyes. "Aw, I know what's holding Hisoka-chan back!!! He's afraid of the embarrassment this will cause his manhood!!!"

"Can I try on the dress? Is it tight? What type of fabric is it? Will it constrict my breathing?"

"That's the spirit!!!!" cried Saya, grabbing him in a headlock.

"Wait!!! Let me go!!!" growled Hisoka, trying to pull himself out of the headlock as she dragged him to the door.

"You asked us to let you try on the dress!!" said Yuma smugly.

"You fucking goaded me by playing on whatever the hell's wrong with me!!! Hey, can someone help me?!"

"Don't worry, Bon!! Your abuse won't be too awful!!"

"Do I get to be abused? How tight is the dress? Can I dance in front of the others?"

Tsuzuki watched them go. "Hisoka's acting strange again..."

"I can tell," said Watari, trying not to laugh. "What do you think is causing him to go off on those tangents?"

"Well, it all started when the word 'spanking' was mentioned. Then after that anything relating to sex or abuse seemed to send him in that state."

Watari 'tsked' sadly at this. "Poor Bon. He'll never get a break, will he?"

_February 14__th__, 1:27 p.m._

Tatsumi didn't like Valentine's Day. Not only did Tsuzuki's recent case completely turn him off from chocolate for all eternity, but it brought back memories he'd rather not relive.

"_WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THE CHOCOLATES THIS TIME?!?!"_

Yes, being stuck inside the body of one of the Gushoushin didn't guarantee a pleasant experience.

He also had a sinking feeling that this "minor" gathering of handing out chocolate would turn into yet another riot. Too tired to even bother, he decided to hide in his office for the day and do damage control tomorrow…which might also include the same pay docking he'd done for the previous holidays.

But when his office door slammed open, he knew his serenity had been disrupted. Without looking at the intruder, he sighed and straightened his glasses as he stood up. "Tsuzuki-san—"

"Can I hide in here?!"

"Kurosaki-kun?!" Tatsumi couldn't help but gape at Hisoka. The boy was wearing a frilly but tattered dress. He had his back to the door, which began pounding.

"Hisoka-chaaaaan!!!"

"Let us mend the dress!!!!"

"You didn't need to rip it so much!!!"

"Do you know how _painful _it was to get this?!"

Hisoka's face suddenly went strange. "Pain? I like feeling pain!!! Especially if you strangle me!!!"

Tatsumi felt his jaw drop at these words and Hisoka's whole face turned red. "No!!! I didn't say that!!!"

"C'mon, Hisoka-chan!!! Think of how much _pleasure _Tsuzuki will feel when he sees how pretty you are!!!"

"Pain can bring pleasure!!! I like bondage!!!"

"Uh—" began Tatsumi.

"Hey, what's going on here?" that was Tsuzuki's voice on the other side of the door. "Have you guys seen Hisoka?"

"Tsuzuki, get them away from me!!" Hisoka shouted through the door. He turned back around to face Tatsumi. "I'm going to need your help, Tatsumi-san."

"Kurosaki-kun—" Tatsumi tried again.

"Hisoka-chan's been a bad boy, Tsuzuki!!"

"Yeah!! Help us punish him!!!"

"Uh—"

"Can I be blindfolded for the punishing? I don't care about the restraints, as long as they're leather!!!!"

Tatsumi overcame his shock and disbelief and straightened his glasses again. "Another self-help tape mishap, Kurosaki-kun?"

"Not this time," said Hisoka miserably, pressing back against the shaking door with all his might. "But it was a tape. It…" He turned red again and looked away. "I can't talk about it."

"Based upon your strange behavior, I'll draw my own conclusions." There was another loud 'THUMP' on the door and Tatsumi felt his anger rise. "We should get hold of this new tape and figure out how to reverse these effects."

"Good luck with that. I'm spouting perverted shit whenever somebody says anything related to sex or pain." Hisoka's face twisted up. "That tape did something to me and I want it stopped!!! Those stupid girls have gone around telling everyone they meet how to get me to act like this!!"

"And it will be stopped," Tatsumi assured him. "We should go to your apartment, and—"

There was a loud 'BANG' on the door and the force nearly bucked Hisoka off. Tatsumi let out a loud sigh of exasperation and walked quickly to the door. "Step aside, Kurosaki-kun."

"But—"

Tatsumi didn't wait for him to finish. He shoved the younger Shinigami aside and slammed the door open. He was immediately assaulted by the Hokkaido girls.

"Hisoka-chan!!!"

"Try these ribbons on!!!"

"We have the thread!!! Let us mend the dress!!!"

"We have to—AAAAHHH!!!!"

Both Yuma and Saya found themselves flying off of Tatsumi, flying through the air, and crashing through a hallway window to the courtyard below, screaming all the way down. Even as the shadows settled deep within the hallway, they could hear the landing both girls made and their very loud protests from their treatment.

Tsuzuki, who'd been standing there at a clear what to do, glanced at Tatsumi. "Was that necessary, Tatsumi?"

Tatsumi brushed himself off and picked himself off the floor. "We have to get over to Kurosaki-kun's apartment. He says somebody slipped him another weird tape again."

"…That would explain a lot," said Tsuzuki after a long moment. He looked up as Hisoka slowly emerged from Tatsumi's office. "Are you okay, Hisoka?"

"What the hell do you think?!" snapped Hisoka, hugging the tattered dress close to him. "Has anyone seen my clothes?!"

"I think—"

"HEY, looking good Kurosaki!!!!" some random employee from another department yelled. "You might get a hot date with that outfit!!!"

"I like dates as long they end with sex!!!" Hisoka blurted out. He slapped his hands over his mouth and ran back into the office.

Tsuzuki and Tatsumi eyed other people walking around, each of them laughing at the other guy's words. "Hisoka said Yuma and Saya told a lot of people in other departments, right?"

"This won't work," Tatsumi announced suddenly. He grabbed Tsuzuki by the arm and dragged him back to his office. "Here, you watch him. I'll go to his apartment and get that tape."

"You can't get in without a key," said Hisoka glumly, standing in front of Tatsumi's desk. "My keys are in my pants, which are missing." He muttered a few curse words under his breath.

"Don't worry, I have one!!!" Tsuzuki announced cheerfully. He pulled out said key and slapped it into Tatsumi's hand.

"…I thought I got that back from you," said Hisoka quietly.

Tsuzuki shrugged. "I think you gave it back to me on New Years—"

"All right, stop there." Hisoka sat on the floor. "Please get the tape quickly, Tatsumi-san. I threw it, but it should be lying somewhere on my bedroom floor. There's no clutter in there, so…"

Tatsumi nodded and turned towards the door. "Lock this behind me so nobody…crazy can make this situation worse."

Tsuzuki nodded. "Okay!!!"

Tatsumi left and Tsuzuki locked the door behind him. He turned around to face Hisoka, who still sat on the floor. He slowly walked over and sat down next to him. They sat in silence for several long minutes. Of course, it was up to Tsuzuki to break the silence.

"I'm gonna eat some chocolate!!!" he announced cheerfully, pulling several boxes out of his trench coat.

Hisoka face-faulted.

_February 14__th__, 2:45 p.m._

Hisoka _did _have a very tidy bedroom, much like the rest of his apartment. There was literally nothing on the floor, so finding a simple cassette should be no problem, right?

Only, Tatsumi couldn't find it.

He hated invading somebody else's privacy, even with their permission, but he looked over every square inch of Hisoka's floor. When he saw nothing in the bedroom, he checked the bathroom, the living room, even the kitchen. There was no sign of the tape at all.

_Could it be in his walkman?_ He checked the bedroom again and saw the walkman on his bed. He opened it to see it empty.

Unless the tape was hidden somewhere other than the floor, it wasn't in the apartment.

_February 14__th__, 2:49 p.m._

"Hisoka-chan, we spent 20,000 yen on that dress!!!!"

Hisoka squeezed his hands around his ears, singing Japan's national anthem to himself. "Ki mi ga – yo – wa—"

"Can't you think of the hard work and _pain_ we went through to get it?!?!"

He began to rock forward and backwards against the desk. "Chi yo ni - - ya chi yo ni—"

"We want you to look cute and pretty!!!! There's no _suffering _involved!!!!"

"SA ZA RE I SHI NOOOOO!!!!!" He hollered at the top of his lungs.

Tsuzuki tossed aside an empty box of chocolates and promptly opened another. "I'm sure they'll stop eventually."

Hisoka wasn't so sure. Ever since Tatsumi forcibly ejected Yuma and Saya from the building, both idiots decided to stand in the courtyard outside Tatsumi's office, screaming through megaphones embarrassing things as a way to get him to come out. He was trying to channel out their voices as much as possible, so their words wouldn't trigger that weird behavior. Especially since he currently shared a room with Tsuzuki.

No, no, he wasn't gonna think about it.

"Are you sure you don't want any chocolate?" asked Tsuzuki, waving the box under Hisoka's nose.

Hisoka shoved it away before covering his ears again. "No, Tsuzuki. I made it clear I don't ever want to eat chocolate again."

Tsuzuki looked crestfallen. "Really? Not even the chocolate I gave to you?"

Hisoka froze. "Your chocolate?!" He patted himself down, though his ruined dress had no pockets. "Shit!!! I don't know where I put it!!!"

"Oh, don't worry about it!!! I've got it right here!!!" Tsuzuki happily pulled the chocolate heart out of his coat and handed it to Hisoka.

Hisoka took it, feeling a little more relieved than he was willing to admit. "Thanks. Where did you—"

"You left it on your desk when Yuma and Saya took you away. I knew you'd want it later, so I took it to make sure I'd give it to you!!!!"

"Oh…well…" Hisoka looked at the heart. "Thanks, again."

Tsuzuki waved a hand, suddenly getting serious. "I know you're worried about whether or not these chocolates have been tampered with—"

"They don't have a label, but I don't recognize the packaging design," Hisoka cut in. Even so, he slightly hesitated as he opened the chocolate box.

Tsuzuki continued as though he hadn't heard him. "But I made these chocolates myself, so—"

"WHAT?!" Hisoka gaped at Tsuzuki. "Yo made this heart YOURSELF?!?!"

Tsuzuki shrugged. "I used the oven you bought me for Christmas. It took me a couple of tries to get it right, but this heart didn't burn so I think it's good."

"Huh." Hisoka pushed aside to see the heart in question. It was a dark color, but he was hoping that was because this was dark chocolate. It was thankfully plain; no over-excessive decorations on top. "Thanks for this. I just got you some story-bought candy, mine isn't anything special."

"Oh, don't—" began Tsuzuki.

"You just want some alone time with Tsuzuki!!!!" Yuma shouted loudly from outside. Hisoka stiffened.

"Yeah!!!" yelled Saya just as loudly. The explosion of laughter that came with their words was a clear indication that a crowd had formed outside. "Everybody knows that you just want to do NAUGHTY things to him!!!"

The chocolate heart clattered to the floor and Hisoka found himself pouncing on Tsuzuki and grabbing him by his collar. "I'm naughty!!! I'll be as naughty as you want me to be, because that's more pleasurable!!!!"

"Um…" Tsuzuki grabbed Hisoka's shoulders and pushed him away slightly. "That's flattering, Hisoka—"

But now Hisoka had his collar in a tighter grip, but for very different reasons. He glared darkly into Tsuzuki's face. "Summon one of your Shikigami and get them the HELL away from us!!!"

"But I don't think—"

"Just do it!!! I don't care which one, just send them FAR away!!!"

"B-B-But if I cause more property damage, Kachou and Tatsumi will—"

"I'll take the blame!!!! If you don't do it, we might…" Hisoka trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

Tsuzuki laughed feebly. "Well, I don't see the problem in—"

Hisoka deepened his glare and Tsuzuki quickly changed tactics. "Byakko!!!! I'll summon Byakko!!!! He won't hurt anyone!!!"

Hisoka nodded and this and climbed off of him. "Good enough—"

Suddenly, Tsuzuki's cell phone rang. Hisoka cursed and grabbed the cell phone from him before he could answer. Once he saw who was on caller I.D., though, he handed the phone back to Tsuzuki. "It's Tatsumi-san."

"Ooh, maybe he found the tape!!!" Tsuzuki quickly answered it. "Hello, Tatsumi!!!"

"HISOKA-CHAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!" Yuma and Saya chorused outside.

Hisoka clamped his hands back over his ears. "I WA O TO NA RI TE!!!!!!"

_February 14__th__, 3:05 p.m._

It was so hard to be good, especially on a day like today. But some things needed a bigger jumpstart than what they already had.

Watari carefully took a seat at the central control panel. All around him were security personnel, past out in their seats. If they knew what he was doing, they would make him pay for it dearly. But there was really no harm done. It was Valentine's Day, after all.

He snickered evilly to himself, holding up a cassette tape. The words 'Tasting your Fantasies' were printed clearly on it. It'd been a major pain in the ass sneaking into Hisoka's apartment and stealing it, but simply listening to it in his sleep hadn't produced the desired results. Sure, poor Hisoka was _looser _than he usually was, but not nearly enough as he should be for a healthy young man his age.

"Let's have some fun, shall we Bon?" he said to nobody in particular. Then, he shoved it into a slot on the control panel. Surely, this wouldn't be too bad, right? After all, Enma would've stopped him before now if that were the case.

---

Elsewhere, Enma applied earplugs.

_February 14__th__, 3:15 p.m._

"Please please PLEASE, Hisoka-chan?!?!"

"Mi – wa – ta - su ya - ma no _ ha—"

"You're not doing yourself any favors!!!!!!"

"ka – su - mi fu – ka – shi—"

"This is boring!!! How are we suppose to know what's going on up there?!"

"I think we know EXACTLY what's going on!!!"

"HA – RU – KA – ZE SO – YO – FU - KU SO - RA O MI – RE – BA!!!!"

Having sung the national anthem over and over again, Hisoka was reduced to bellowing out 'Oborozuki-yo', a song he remembered from when he was a child, to drown out Yuma and Saya's words.

However, he was so concentrated on this that he wasn't paying attention to Tsuzuki talking to Tatsumi. Only when Tsuzuki gently tugged on his arm did Hisoka stop singing. He took one look at the uncomfortable look on Tsuzuki's face and he knew the worst.

"Tatsumi can't find the tape."

"WHAT?!" Hisoka quickly shook his head. "How can't he find it?! It's not like I hid it!!!! It's somewhere on the floor in my bedroom!!!"

"He said he's been looking everywhere in your apartment for two hours and he's found nothing. He said he'd look for Watari once he returned and have him think of something to reverse your problem." Tsuzuki laughed nervously, rubbing a hand through his hair. "But I guess it could be worse—"

"HOW CAN IT BE ANY WORSE THAN THIS?!"

"Hisooooooooka-chan!!!!" cried the idiots outside.

"I can't deal with this!!!" Hisoka jabbed a finger at the window. "Get those _freaks _away from me until we find a solution!!!!"

"Oh yeah!!! I was supposed to summon Byakko, wasn't I?!" Tsuzuki started preparing his summon spell. Hisoka yelped and ran for cover as wind swept around Tatsumi's office, whipping things off their shelves causing them to crash to the floor, papers strewing everywhere. "Blade of air, steel of sky, fangs of silver-white…come forth, Byakko!!!!"

"Wait, don't summon him _inside_ here!!!" Hisoka suddenly yelled, clinging to Tatsumi's desk for dear life. "Send him outside!!!!"

Tsuzuki smiled cheerfully, even in deep concentration. There was a sudden 'whoosh' of air outside. Hisoka twisted his head to the window to see a flash of white fly down past the window. As the wind inside Tatsumi's office subsided, Hisoka heard screaming. He rushed to the window to see what was happening. Any worry he might've felt disappeared as he saw the giant white tiger merrily chasing people all over the courtyard. Everyone was screaming, including Yuma and Saya (who were trying to shout at Byakko with their megaphones), but Byakko almost looked like he was grinning behind his monstrous jaws as he ran all over the place.

Hisoka heaved out a sigh of relief and sank to the floor. "Well, that solves one problem."

Tsuzuki carefully stepped over broken items in the office. He picked up Hisoka's chocolate heart, picking pieces of debris out of it, and handed it to the teenager. "You have to admit it's been a fun day, though."

"How the hell has it been fun?! I'm spouting perverted stuff I would NEVER say under normal circumstances!!! Tell me HOW this day has been good?!?!"

Tsuzuki's face twisted up slightly as he sat back down next to Hisoka. "I made you chocolate, you helped me feel better after Muraki sent me those chocolates, and we've spent most of the day together. What's wrong with that?"

He seemed pretty offended by Hisoka's words. Hisoka could it leaking out of him. He fiddled with the heart awkwardly. "All right, I'm sorry. It's been an embarrassing day, but it could've been much worse if you hadn't been with me."

Tsuzuki laughed and flashed a smile at him. "Maybe. If I wasn't here, you would've probably focused this…strangeness on somebody else."

Hisoka dimly realized that though he was saying pretty disgusting things, Tsuzuki was the person he projected it on the most. His mind wandered back to New Years and his face quickly turned red.

Tsuzuki was silent for a long moment before he spoke. "I have a confession to make."

"W-What?" Hisoka stammered out, keeping his head low.

"You're the only one I _made _chocolates for. I bought everyone else's."

"R-Really?" Hisoka gave him a sideways glance. "Why would you do that?"

Tsuzuki gave him a pained look. "How many times do we have to go through this, Hisoka?"

Hisoka felt a flutter in his stomach and became uncomfortable. "Um—"

"_Hello avid listeners. Welcome to 'Tasting your Fantasies'."_

Hisoka jerked violently. Both Tsuzuki and him looked up at the ceiling, where a speaker for the JuOhCho was loudly broadcasting that familiar, horrible voice. Dread began to swell inside of Hisoka fast.

---

"_The purpose of this tape is to allow for even the most introverted person to become lively in any sexual environment. One's own feelings and wants are key to getting the sexual satisfaction they deserve."_

"What the fuck?!" exclaimed Terazuma, looking towards the speakers.

"It looks like somebody's playing a Valentine's Day prank!!" said Wakaba all too cheerfully; eating some of the chocolate she herself had bought for Terazuma. The door to their department was open, so they could hear people in the hallway reacting with confusion to the 'announcement' being broadcasted.

---

"_The first thing to identify your basic wants in your sexual experience. Do you solely want vaginal sex? Well, the main requirement for this is a man and woman, or two women. Maybe you like oral sex? Both can be performed on both men and woman but it takes some skills to attain orgasm. Or maybe you walk on the wild side and desire anal sex?"_

Konoe stared blankly at the speakers from where he sat at his desk. He'd feared the worst for the day and, like Tatsumi, had hidden in his office. But now he calmly stood up from his desk and walked over to the door. He applied several locks to it before he returned to his desk.

---

"_Most commonly done between two men, it is possible also between a man and women and two women. Each sound exceptionally frightening to virgin ears, especially anal sex. But being able to tear down your usual standards and unleash yourself will not only increase pleasure for your partner, but also increase pleasure for yourself."_

Watari laughed maniacally like the mad scientist he fashioned himself to be, spinning around in his chair. 003 flew around his head, hooting nervously.

---

"_And there is more to sex outside of the basic wants; they are tiny wants we want and sometimes absolutely need in order to obtain absolute pleasure. They are commonly called sexual fetishes. These fetishes turn even the most basic thing into the focus in sexual intercourse. Sometimes, fetishes can be as basic as a bottle of chocolate syrup."_

"What's going on?" asked the older Gushoushin, placing a pile of books on a table.

"As long as our library isn't destroyed again, I don't care," grumbled the younger one, shaking his head.

---

"_Or they can be as complicated as things we might deem unacceptable. Some people like being choked and need that sensation in order to achieve orgasm. Some like being spanked; the harder the more pleasurable. Others preferred to be dominated and mistreated in every way as demonstrated in the art of sadomasochism, or S&M."_

Tsuzuki laughed nervously where he sat. Hisoka was oddly quiet next to him, which was something of a relief. "It looks like somebody found your tape, Hisoka!!! Only…not in the way we wanted it to be found!!!"

Hisoka still said nothing and sat very still. Tsuzuki gave him a sideways glance. "…'Soka-chan?"

He had no warning. Suddenly, Hisoka had his collar in a tight grip, almost as if he was trying to strangle Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki found himself being slammed back into the wall and lips crushed over his own.

There was no use; Tsuzuki could only manage to struggle for a brief moment before his arms slid around Hisoka's slim waist. Hisoka in turn slid his arms around Tsuzuki's shoulders and climbed up into his lap, straddling his waist.

He didn't get many opportunities, but Tsuzuki liked kissing Hisoka. His presence and the taste of his mouth…it didn't make him uncomfortable. However, some frame of mind forced him to remember that Hisoka was under the influence of a weird tape. Hisoka wouldn't initiate anything like this on his own, after all. Against his body's and heart's protests Tsuzuki unwound his arms from around his waist and pushed them between their two bodies, forcing Hisoka to break the kiss and lean back.

Tsuzuki was very surprised by what he saw in Hisoka's face. The empath's face was dark red, but his pretty green eyes were hazy but oddly clear. He breathed heavily as though he was trying to catch his breath, but he didn't move away. He raised a shaking hand and pressed it to Tsuzuki's cheek. Neither said anything but sat there and stared at each other.

But not for much longer. Hisoka leaned forward again—or maybe Tsuzuki did, and they were kissing again. Even as the accursed tape stopped abruptly over the loudspeakers, they didn't stop kissing. Hisoka buried his hands in Tsuzuki's hair while Tsuzuki slid his hands up his back. Nothing else seemed to matter but that moment and that kiss.

"Ahem."

Tsuzuki and Hisoka froze. Both looked over Hisoka's shoulder to see Tatsumi standing on the threshold, slowly closing the door behind him. He had a bundle tucked under his arm it looked like he was trying very hard not to smile.

"WAGH!!!!" Hisoka jumped off of Tsuzuki and ran to the other side of the room. "It's not what it looks like!!!"

"At least you two remember whose office this is," said Tatsumi plainly. "Although…" Tatsumi took in the state of his office. Any amusement that had been apparent on his face at the compromising position he'd caught them in quickly vanished. He gave Tsuzuki a dark look. "From the chaos going on outside with Byakko, I assume this is YOUR fault, Tsuzuki-san?"

Tsuzuki gulped audibly as he struggled to his feet, holding up his hands feebly. "Tatsumi-san, I—"

"It's my fault."

Both Tatsumi and Tsuzuki gaped at Hisoka, who still looked very embarrassed but determined. "I caused the damage in here, not Tsuzuki. It's my responsibility."

Tatsumi looked between the two for a long moment. Tsuzuki, however, was still staring at Hisoka.

Finally, Tatsumi spoke. "Expect a 40% decrease in your paychecks until my office is fixed, Kurosaki-kun."

Hisoka visibly winced, but nodded. "I understand."

"Anyways…I found your clothes." Tatsumi held out the bundle to Hisoka. "Kannuki-san retrieved them from the women's bathroom, where Fukiya-san and Torii-san had no doubt hidden them in."

Hisoka quickly snatched the clothes. He searched his jeans pockets and found his house keys and wallet. "Thank you, Tatsumi-san."

"The tape in question has also been found by whoever took the liberty of hijacking JuOhCho's main intercom. An investigation is pending, but the workers on duty were found unconscious. Once I find Watari-san, we can—"

The door suddenly slapped open and Watari rushed in, looking like he was out of breath. "AHA!!!! Here's where everyone is!!!"

"I'm sure you heard the…contents over the loudspeaker," Tatsumi stated.

Watari quickly nodded and brandished a tape. "I assumed the worst of Bon's condition and so I quickly whipped together a tape to counteract the effects of _that _tape!!!"

"That was quick—" Tatsumi began.

Hisoka snatched this as well. "Thank you very much, Watari-san. Tatsumi-san, I need an extra week off to recover from this…nightmare."

Tatsumi chuckled lightly and straightened his glasses. "I understand, Kurosaki-kun."

"I'll walk you home, Hisoka!!!" Tsuzuki offered all-too cheerfully.

"I don't need an escort!!!" Hisoka snapped over his shoulder.

"Awwww, but—"

"I DON'T NEED AN ESCORT!!!!!"

_February 14__th__, 3:57 p.m._

Hisoka tugged his jacket tighter around himself, walking as quickly as possible out the front door of Meifu. Nobody had run into him on his way out, and that was only better for him.

_I don't know WHY somebody is hell-bent on humiliating me, but it seriously needs to stop!!! I almost went too far with Tsuzuki!!!_

His face turned red again. He wished he could blame the tape for his making-out session with Tsuzuki, but he couldn't. The tape forced him to act impulsively, but the tape didn't dictate how much he would enjoy the kiss…or the fact he willingly continued with it.

_No, don't think about it. Just get home, go to bed early, and reverse that sicko—_

A shadow suddenly fell over him. Hisoka stopped in his tracks in confusion, wondering what was causing this shadow. He heard a loud, ominous growl and looked up.

He couldn't get away fast. A big, white ball of fur landed full-force on top of him. He slammed into the ground and skidded across the dirt as Byakko purred happily at him.

"TSUZUKI!!!!!" he hollered, trying to sit up. But Byakko's paws on his back pinned him to the dirt. The white tiger continued to purr at him, nuzzling his neck and licking his face. "TSUZUKI, GET THIS ASSHOLE OFF OF ME!!!!!"

Hisoka heard Tsuzuki approach them from behind. "Oh, wow."

"DO SOMETHING!!!!!!"

"Well, in all fairness you DID say you didn't care which Shikigami I summoned. And Byakko's _very_ fond of you, so—"

"Just get him off of me!!!!!" Hisoka tried crawling out from underneath Byakko, but the tiger seemed to laugh at him and nuzzled his head. "TSUZUKI!!!!!"

"But this is really cute!!!!" Tsuzuki offered. He was no doubt sore over the way Hisoka had just treated him.

_God!!! This is worse than Halloween, Christmas, and New Years!!! What the hell is gonna happen to me on White Day?!__th__, 5:21 p.m._

_February 14__th__, 5:02 p.m._

Watari sighed heavily as he deposited 'Tasting Your Fantasies' in with the other tapes. Would his efforts always be in vain like this?

"It's hard being a Good Samaritan," he said to 003 sadly. The owl gave him a confused look. Watari shook his head. "I'm running out of schemes here for Tsuzuki and Bon. Unless…"

He fished through the massive pile of tapes inside the filing cabinet. "There's another holiday coming up, right? White Day? And the boys owe each other chocolates!!!" He began to snicker sinisterly. "Yes, this is just the ticket we need!!! I swear I will have those two in bed by White Day or my name isn't Watari Yutaka!!!!"

003 shook its head at him.

_February 14__th__, 7:37 p.m._

Hisoka pressed the 'stop' button on his walkman, pleased with the preview of the tape that would fix him. By tomorrow morning, he should be back to normal. No more filthy words or bawdy behavior. No more jumping on Tsuzuki and attempting to seduce him.

_Oh, you really don't mean that, do you? Not even after he made homemade chocolates for you and you only?_

Hisoka quickly cut off that line of thought, but it made him remember the chocolate heart that still sat in his coat. Sighing heavily, he went to retrieve it and took the big heart out of its box. He felt bile rise in his throat at the sight and smell of chocolate, but he reminded himself that this was _Tsuzuki's_ chocolate. He _did _make only him homemade chocolate, and with the oven Hisoka went through hell to buy for him for Christmas.

Very hesitantly, he raised the chocolate up and took a small bite out of the corner. He chewed it slowly for several long moments before he swallowed it.

His reaction was very simple. "Bleh."

---

Thanks for reading!!! And Japan's national anthem translates like this, as provided by Wikipedia:

_Kimi ga Yo wa_

(May your reign)

_Chiyo ni Yachiyo ni_

(Continue for a thousand, eight thousand generations,)

_Sazare-Ishi no_

(Until the pebbles)

_Iwao to Nari-te_

(Grow into boulders)

_Koke no Musu made_

(Lush with moss)

And here's Oborozuki-yo, the folk song Hisoka sings, as seen here (without the spaces, and no English translation, sorry) h t t p : / / w w w 3 . u – t o y a m a . a c . j p / n i h o / s o n g / o b o r o z u k i y o / o b o r o z u k I y o _ k e . h t m l :

_Nanohana-batake_

_miwatasu yama no ha kasumi fukashi.  
Harukaze soyofuku sora o mireba,  
yuzuki kakarite, nioi awashi._

_Satowa no hokage mo mori no iro mo,  
tanaka no komichi o tadoru hito mo,  
kawazu no naku ne mo, kane no oto mo,  
sanagara kasumeru oborozuki-yo._

Happy Valentine's Day!!!


End file.
